Musings on growing into an elder
If I were to read my old journals, from the green-keyed diary to the twenty-some composition notebooks, I’d find themes of an adolescent maturing into a woman. Love, philosophy, career crisis, image, and motherhood. There would be repetitions of doubts, worries, and fear until I found a balance, or resolution. Ultimately, hope would prevail.
Now those issues of coming of age have disappeared. What has taken a new precedence is the world we live in and how I and my contemporaries will walk through the last decade or so of our lives. I’ve witnessed the event of cancer with loved ones, now with close friends and their spouses. I walk with my friends and our discussions center on the state of the union—meaning the United States and our values and how this effects the world. We note the repetition of history.
What is gone from my musings is the need to apologize for who I am. What a relief to be comfortable in one’s body and mind. I still question my actions, but I don’t feel the confusion of a young adult.
I accept my moments of sadness, joy, insecurity, and passion. I’m proud of these emotions. Humans are meant to feel. My best days are ones where I’m struck by the depth of novelist who reaches me through the story and words of their world.
I relish the moments that my head is too full of stretching, with writing in Spanish, or painting a difficult scene, or practicing piano. When I feel lonely, I also feel the love of all my friends, family, and neighbors. Every emotion is layered with nuances. They don’t scare me.
I sometimes worry about the future world in which my kids and grandkids will live. They will find their way, and they will combine the thoughts of tradition, their parents, and their own version of life. I trust them to be resourceful and caring of others.
Those of you who read my blog, I confess that I no longer hide myself within composition notebooks. I share my crazy ideas with you. Exposed, I never know when my words might touch you.
You can always find me at http://www.abberolnick.com, let me know your thoughts on becoming more of who you are.
