You can’t give what you never received
Abbe’s Ruminations August 2026
When asked why someone doesn’t do something, ask yourself if that person knows better, has been shown your way or a different way. The period in which we were raised, and the economics of that time speaks to education and how we were nurtured.
I often think of the stuffed monkeys of son’s childhood. Abandoned and rescued by me. I just found after years of searching, another stuffed monkey that appears to be a responsible adult. They all seem better off together.
I was raised by parents that combined their best and perhaps weaker selves. My dad was the joker, the sensitive one. He reminded me of Walter Mittey, wanting boats, new cars, and status symbols. He didn’t have a bike when he was a kid, and the need to watch the pennies during the depression fueled his desire for “toys” later in life. My mother was more business oriented. Raised by my grandmother who ran a grocery store, my grandfather a mechanic, and two brothers, decades older than her. She desired freedom to make her own way.
Societal pressures required them to be the opposite of their inclination. They never clashed in their relationship, but I witnessed the inner battle they fought within themselves. When my mother lost her cool, I’m sure it was based on frustration with being the homemaker, not the breadwinner. When my father became disillusioned in the world of sales, it was his heart speaking of the mix-match.
I, however, always received love, humor, and affection from both my parents. As they aged, they reversed their roles. My mother achieved her goals as an incredible real estate agent; my father retired early and became the homemaker. Throughout their lives they supported each other and shared decisions. The rocky times were fewer than in most families.
Those who were raised without love, without humor, with abuse, and with poor living conditions, have huge gaps in their beings. I remember someone saying that you can’t squeeze juice out of a banana. Silly, but true. Asking for love, from someone who never received love, or asking someone to be your nurturer, hero, or something else to fill you gaps, is futile. Both parties feel lacking.
I try to give what I have. Sometimes it’s my philosophical side, my jokes, or my business sense. I even translate in Spanish when needed. I offer a smile or a hug, but careful not to request them.
I have a herd of elephants that I display all different sizes and from different areas. I’ve made them a family and like my monkeys they always teach me something.
I look forward to hearing what your share with others and how they receive it. Expectations are not always met. You can find me at https://www.abberolnick.com
